La Busqueda Part 5: Where I should be

Where should I be right now?  I feel like where I want to be, where I should be, and where I actually am are three very different things and I like to pout when they aren't unified.  Its not so much a physical location as it is a state of being, but admittedly location and well-being are tied together.  Having the impression to come to Jerusalem gave me the idea that somehow linked to that would bring the blessing of a unified self, but I think I have sufficient proof now that God does not find a blissful me as something desirable.

As the semester has gone by, I've expected some miraculous change to take place.  Something incredible that will change me and set me off on the path to greatness.  I

still expect miraculous changes, but I've also come to appreciate the slow change that accompanies repentance.  I often go out on my balcony that overlooks Jerusalem to seek inspiration.  I often find that great insight doesn't come, but a calm assurance that I'm in the right place.  That still doesn't fix the nagging feeling that I can't overcome my greatest weakness.

Elder Holland's talk this past conference was once again amazing.  He took a story so small and simple and explained an important principle for our lives - to focus on the good before focusing on what we need to improve.  In light of Elder Holland's insight, I think I'll explain thee small things that have happened over the course of the semester that may be preparing me for the significant change that I'm searching for.

I've learned to tell stories better than I have before.  I still am reluctant to tell things, and I have yet to add Hollandesque fervor to a story, but I've improved nonetheless.  I've come to be able to give sincere compliments  and maybe even more extraordinary, I've come to accept sincere compliments as well.  I've also backed off of forcing my opinion in a conversation and accepted more advice than I've given.  I've reinforced my passions and strengthened my testimony.

I haven't witnessed a miraculous healing or walked on water.  I haven't seen a vision or restored lost scripture.  I haven't had a Nephi challenge or an Alma awakening.  I've had an Elijah moment where despite the earthquakes and fires happening around me, I've heard God through a "still, small voice."  I don't know why I should be here, but I know I'm where I should be.  Has it come full circle? No, but its not over yet.